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iPad: iJizzed.
By nick g | January 28, 2010
It’s that time of the month. I’m craving technology like nobody’s business, and it’s a weird craving. I want something with a touch screen, that’s thin and light but with a big, 10 inch screen. What do you mean that doesn’t exist? DO YOU WANT ME TO HURT SOMEONE?
By now, you’ve probably seen a review of the iPad. This is a review of a review, because the thing isn’t out yet. Yesterday, Steve Jobs revealed Apple’s new iPad. Today, iJizzed.
It’s basically a big iPod touch. A really big iPod Touch. That’s really cool, and I don’t even own an iProduct. (BUT I do own a Macbook). It does everything an iPod Touch does, including running all iPod/iPhone apps. There are companies also making iPad-specific apps. That’s a big boon.
First and foremost, this will kill other eBook readers. You actually turn the pages like you turn pages, and you can buy books like they’re on a bookshelf. There will be an iBook store. It’s full color.
Secondly, newspapers and magazines are making apps specifically for this thing. It’s going to save print media. I hope the New York Times sent Jobs a really good gift basket, because he featured the newspaper’s Web page during his debut of the product. I mean, we’re talking almond roca and expensive soaps. Maybe even some edible flower arrangement thing. Anyway, something women love.
Because it’s called the iPad, it reminds some women of a feminine hygiene product. Twitter’s number one buzzword today was iTampon. This is according to the New York Times. Grow up, people.
More concerning for Apple is the three existing products with the same name. But they’ll probably bully them into giving up the name, because Apple is bigger, stronger, and their daddy knows the chief of police. Grow up, Apple. Get some originality.
The thing will cost $499 when it’s released in March. In April, the 3G iPad is released for a bit more, and there is a contract-free AT&T Internet service available for $30 per month. But it comes with WiFi, so anywhere you have a signal you can log on. So why buy the service?
And why buy this thing when it costs about as much as a laptop? It doesn’t have a keyboard, though Apple plans on selling a keyboard that props op the iPad later. Then why not buy a laptop? Simple answer: There are no Apple laptops under $999.
And if Apple is smart - which they are - there will never be.
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